Welcome To Extended Stay, Pull My Finger

When choosing a hotel, how much does finding a place where you can rip one repeatedly to the tune of a John Phillips Souza march figure in?

Apparently, the marketing folks behind a campaign for Extended Stay Hotels must think an exceptional stay means clean sheets, on-demand movies, and the fetid stench of your own humanity. Their latest commercial shows a variety of hotel guests raising a haunch and letting fly with a satisfied smile that sends my creep-o-meter pinging. The ferocity of their gut bombs slams doors, sends curtains billowing, and snuffs candles.

The tagline says: NO PLACE MAKES YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE. If by comfortable they mean freeing yourself of all responsibility for your bodily functions, they may have something there. Welcome to Extended Stay, here’s a package of Depends just in case you get a little too relaxed.

I think I might have gone with the tagline: REEKS LIKE A HOBO'S SLEEPING BAG AFTER A PBR AND A CAN OF BAKED BEANS.

I give them credit for thinking outside the box and for taking risks, but there is just something so unappealing about watching a parade of people actually put effort behind squeezing out a turd precursor.

I don’t want to be anywhere near the breakfast buffet at this place.