Celebracadabra: Magically Delicious, or Magic Dookie?

How many more ways will the television industry find to exploit former child stars and fringe celebrities desperate for a paycheck and a chance to get exposure somewhere other than The Smoking Gun? That was my first thought when I heard about VH1’s upcoming show “Celebracadabra,” where seven vaguely familiar entertainers team up with professional magicians in a race to be crowned Ultimate Celebrity Sorcerer.

The prospect of these novices learning how to do anything more impressive than pulling a quarter from a toddler’s ear, or making a dollar disappear, seemed about as likely as George Bush learning to say nuclear.

But I wanted to be fair. So, I took a look at the premiere episode on the VH1 website to see how many ways I could find to make fun of it. I was so prepared to hate this that I’d already come up with a string of snarky descriptions. I kind of hate to waste all those, but it’s really not as horrendously bad as I’d expected.

When Carnie Wilson, C. Thomas Howell, Celebrity Fit Club Host Ant, Kid of Kid N’ Play, actress Lisa Ann Walter, comedian Hal Sparks and Kimberly Wyatt of the Pussycat Dolls put their skills to the test by heading out on the street to perform magic for jaded Los Angeles passers-by, some of them actually pull off some pretty convincing tricks. If non-magic folk can learn tricks of that quality within a day (as they would have you believe), why not push the envelope with something really challenging like “Celebrainsurgeon”?

It’s pretty easy to guess who will be the first eliminated, who will be kept around just for sex appeal, and even who will win. If this lasts longer than CBS’s one night-only “Secret Talents Of The Stars,” I predict good things for Hal Sparks’ career. Who? Exactly my point. But just wait.

Best WTF moment: Magic Coach Silly Billy (representing the children’s segment of magical entertainers) reminds us yet again why clowns scare the hell out of us as he gleefully begins sawing a full digit off his forefinger with an Exacto knife during a lesson with Lisa Ann Walter. It was either a really good trick, or he thought he was on appearing on the Jim Rose Circus.

Will I watch this show? Not unless I’m quarantined and my computer has exploded. But for those who enjoy this sort of thing, it’s nice to know it’s not quite the humiliation fest that the name implies.

“Celebracadabra” premieres April 27 on VH1, home of “Flavor of Love,” “My Fair Brady,” and “Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant.” You can also look forward to “Celebrity Circus” coming to NBC this summer.

Earth Day: Stuff To Ponder

Circuit Boards #2, New Orleans 2005 by Chris Jordan

Photographer Chris Jordan has created something both exquisite and disturbing in his collection Intolerable Beauty: Portraits of American Mass Consumption. Jordan explored the nation’s shipping ports, landfills, and industrial waste yards to capture bizarrely intricate images of the by-products of mass consumption. The result is a moving, eloquent and fascinating illustration of the complex problem of modern consumer society. What do we do with all the stuff? How do we consume less? Do I really need yet another cell phone upgrade?

Cell Phone Chargers, Atlanta 2004, by Chris Jordan

Check out more of Chris Jordan’s work at www.chrisjordan.com.

Kooza: Enjoy it with some popcorn and Depends

According to the Cirque du Soleil website, the Canadian circus empire’s latest extravaganza Kooza is the story of “a melancholy loner in search of his place in this world.” Unlike some of the other spectacular Cirque performances I’ve seen, the story seemed to be an afterthought in this Vegas-style, adrenaline-fueled display. Gone was the poetry of past productions. Missing too, were the haunting melodies and ethereal music that seemed to float beneath the performers providing a protective shield from the unforgiving stage below. The music in this show matched the non-stop, heart-stopping agrobatics in which performers finished each act with a brazen snarl at the audience. Do not even think about eating that popcorn. Now, I’m not saying this wasn’t entertaining. It was as hot as a night at the circus gets. A total WOW-fest. It’s just that it felt a bit more like "American Gladiators" than Cirque du Soleil. The show reached its edgy peak during the Wheel of Death segment, in which a 1600-pound metal apparatus resembling a massive double-sided toy Wheel-O, rotates at ridiculous speeds under the power of two guys who look like the Wes Craven version of Dr. Seuss’s Thing One and Thing Two. They leap, vault, and even jump rope, in, out of, and on top of this thing in a way that defies the laws of physics and sanity. I was not surprised to read a disclaimer on the website that notes “due to the nature of these acts, changes in performers occur frequently.” I do recommend it, but bring earplugs and maybe a change of undies.