Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Kooza: Enjoy it with some popcorn and Depends


According to the Cirque du Soleil website, the Canadian circus empire’s latest extravaganza Kooza is the story of “a melancholy loner in search of his place in this world.” Unlike some of the other spectacular Cirque performances I’ve seen, the story seemed to be an afterthought in this Vegas-style, adrenaline-fueled display. Gone was the poetry of past productions. Missing too, were the haunting melodies and ethereal music that seemed to float beneath the performers providing a protective shield from the unforgiving stage below. The music in this show matched the non-stop, heart-stopping agrobatics in which performers finished each act with a brazen snarl at the audience. Do not even think about eating that popcorn. Now, I’m not saying this wasn’t entertaining. It was as hot as a night at the circus gets. A total WOW-fest. It’s just that it felt a bit more like "American Gladiators" than Cirque du Soleil. The show reached its edgy peak during the Wheel of Death segment, in which a 1600-pound metal apparatus resembling a massive double-sided toy Wheel-O, rotates at ridiculous speeds under the power of two guys who look like the Wes Craven version of Dr. Seuss’s Thing One and Thing Two. They leap, vault, and even jump rope, in, out of, and on top of this thing in a way that defies the laws of physics and sanity. I was not surprised to read a disclaimer on the website that notes “due to the nature of these acts, changes in performers occur frequently.” I do recommend it, but bring earplugs and maybe a change of undies.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Crazy Ugly, Or Crazy Awesome?


I’ve always believed the reclining chair to be among the uglier innovations the furniture world, second only to the bean bag chair perhaps. But a recent pedicure experience at the spa forced me to rethink my anti-Lazy-Boy stance. I was ushered in to a small, dimly lit room, soothed by the sound of water bubbling over smooth stones and the gentle tones of some ambient music (is that a Darbuka?). And there it was, the throne of leisure, an overstuffed, umber-toned, velour, reclining chair. I settled in. It was not what I expected. There were no cigarette burns in the arms. No smell of stale beer. No Dorritos crushed into the seams. It was comfortable. No, it was plush. Then the foot rest went up and I was horizontal, gazing at the Celotex, taking back every unkind word I’d ever directed at the innocent Lazy-Boy whose only wish was to serve a tired backside. An hour later, I lay there, my arms elevated on a fluffy bolster, my feet soaked and pumiced, my toenails sporting a fresh coat of Persimmon Sunrise, trying to figure out where I could put one of these in my house. Then it hits me. I’ve got just the spot. I’ve been meaning to get rid of that bean bag chair anyhow.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Lash Lust


Is it the packaging that I love best, the thick orange tube that looks like I could use it to wave a 747 safely onto the tarmac? Is it the barrel-fat brush inside that promises to give my lashes more volume than a Marshall stack? Is it how fabulous Drew Barrymore looks in the commercials? Or the fact they can offer me so much drama and verve for under ten bucks? I have to say all of the above. I have never rushed out so fast to buy a product. When I got to Long’s and wandered into the cosmetic section, I had no problem spotting that orange road flare. And there was a Drew staring down at me from a well-placed piece of merchandising along with that exquisitely over-sized, fluorescent tube just daring me to choose anything less electric. How could I possibly say no?

True Lies



Here's a little piece I wrote for Dove's "Real Beauty" campaign. Directed, produced and edited by the good people at Foundation Post in Chicago.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Clinically Inane


For years it was strong enough for a man, but now apparently the makers of Secret antiperspirant have decided a man-strength pit guard just won’t do for today’s multi-tasking, kick-boxing, three-latte a day woman trying to bust her way through a tempered glass ceiling. The folks at Proctor & Gamble have kicked it up a notch. It’s Secret Clinical Strength, now with 20% aluminum just in case you were afraid those pesky sun-drenched vacation memories might bring you down in your golden years.